Mercy and Forgiveness
“Religion is for people who are afraid of hell, spirituality is for people who have already been there,” David Bowie
What Love Is
Love is that stream of polarity where the other extreme is hate, and we can flip between both, based on our perception of someone’s actions towards us. For years we can have experiences that build towards trust, love, adoration, and then in one foul swoop we can decimate the value of that bond. Old memories of the good things can be distorted through the perception of someone’s actions based on good and evil.
Perhaps we need to move into a new paradigm. What about stepping outside of our own window, and look through the eyes of the other. What experiences in their lives brought them to that moment where they grabbed us around the throat? What experiences in their lives brought them to want to say they wanted to murder us, to pull the knife out of the draw. Perhaps in the trust of the courts of justice, it is simply saying and acknowledging that this person brought his or her own damage, and choices to externalise their pain onto me.
Choosing to exact justice, is part of desiring to want to ensure that the person who caused the damage is not able to cause damage to another. Through detainment and isolation, they are unable to cause any more harm to another, until they are able to interact with others so that their behaviour allows for the peaceful and harmonious interactions without malicious intent.
Those who are damaged desire to release that pain. Agony is either directed inwards, or outwards. In my own subjective experience, I turned my pain inwards, self-harming, and then when things got so bad, I would lock myself away to prevent myself from hurting others. By choice, I was sedated, begged to undergo ECT therapy, overdosed on sedatives, and woke up and looked at my two boys distressed by the side of the road.
We burn each other, it’s what my new novel Dragon is about. We forget that we are fields of energy, conformed into this body, and we forget our own fire. When the pain gets bad, we turn inwards to a black hole. Sometimes it explodes, and becomes a supernova. Perhaps the Phoenix Galaxy is a perfect metaphor, now it shines, and the Firebird is the perfect explanation how we can turn our pain into art.
When we are born, we conceptualise everything around us, our brains are blank slates, and our neural networks are fed faulty programming, by all the circuits around us. In setting yourself free from this … diabolical programming that is the understanding of evil … ultimately the right sort of freedom is the disbelief in anything that is evil, and bringing into understanding integration, oneness. We are all part of the same infinite field of consciousness or infinite intelligence.
What in me, caused this to mirror in my experience? What damage, what faulty wiring caused this fuckery to manifest? I can attribute a lot of traumatic events through back to my early childhood. As I have worked on healing those aspects in myself, then naturally my life has settled, I have regained my self respect, and been the one who people choose to want to spend time with, because I am able to heal their own inner traumas. I don’t always have the answers, but they eventually surface through working on my own internal compass. Ho’opono’pono, the Hawaiian healing tradition of healing has assisted me to take responsibility for other people’s problems through healing those aspects in myself. My own mother, and father, who I love, adore and respect were responsible for a lot of the trauma in myself as I was growing up. Some things were inside their sphere of control, other things were outside of their ability to cope with. I have taken on board my mother’s advice, and decided that “the buck stops with me,” and ended up in the zero victim here, bitches, mentality. Why play victim, when it is so much more liberating to be empowered, to have strength. Yes, I still feel vulnerable, yes, I still desire to be whole and complete and desire for others to accept me. I am also jointly responsible for ensuring that through my own healing, I show up as the best version of me, for my own self respect, and for the enjoyment of others. That is mercy, and if you have issue with that, perhaps self examine.
Our window of experience often colours our opinions and understanding. What if we had faulty reasoning, insecurities, and damage that tainted everything in how we interacted with others? What if we could look into ourselves, and validate our own experience, and allow ourselves to release that pain in order to transform our own subjective perceptions?
That is more or less the definition of alchemy. When you find a painful experience and desire to reach out and heal others (as many empaths are prone to do) and they burn you in the experience, how could you not have expected to do anything else but to burn you when they were in a state of pain? It is like saying to a person in a wheelchair, get out of your chair and walk, when they need you to push them along. Likewise, you cannot expect a person who is incapable through poor societal conditioning, bad early life circumstances, and dysfunctional environment to be able to make calculated decisions that are good for themselves, or for you.
Mercy is about allowing. It is about allowing the fire in the other person to burn you, but allow it to do so in such a way that you use it as a catalyst to become stronger. The fire within you has to burn brighter, so that others will also be transformed. Be the fire of alchemy, and allow others within the brightness of your radiance, but be fucking sure that you are the one to catalyses their own healing experience, because you are strong enough to implode into the Phoenix.
Love is in fact, taking others as part of yourself, straight into the fire of yourself, and integrating their pain into yours, so you both heal. That’s also the fullest expression of mercy, because it makes a person desire to be better, to choose good, to release their own burdens, and to be swallowed up in the fire of becoming the light to others.
Mercy and forgiveness are the catalysts for change, when expressed in the right way. Burn, but burn in order to strengthen, and do so kindly, with the intention of also being able to save yourself, and save them.